FUNNY SMS

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, a dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! Now read it all without the word dog!
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Hello, this is your mobile. There is nothing problem with me but d problem is with u. I just wanted to leave your pocket, the smell is unbearable!!!
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Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands
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What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away? ....... Charcoal
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A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home. I just f**ked myself.
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Be nice to the ones who smoke... Every cigarette might be their last ...
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Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ? A : Dinner
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Q . How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
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This old one runs forever, but never moves at all. He has not lungs nor throat, but still a mighty roaring call. What is it? ... A Waterfall
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Sardarji to others: Did anyone lost money wrapped in a rubber band?One said, Yes I did!Sardarji: Well, its your lucky day, I have found the rubber band.
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Once there was a mirror that used to kill liars.
FRENCH: I think I don't smoke... (Killed)
AMERICAN: I think I love Iraq... (Killed)
SARDAR: I think.... (Killed)
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As now i am in most important time of my career, I've decided not to msg u anymore.. I believe tat you'll co-operate with me.. Thanx..
Height of Over acting !
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Producer: I'm going to make a movie.. Can u suggest a " Heart-touching title" ?Tom: Stethoscope
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Teacher: Wat is skeleton..?Student: Skeleton is a person who started "dieting" but forgot to stop it..!!
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Height of offensive behavior:U fart so loud in sleep tat u wake urself and shout-"Who's tat a*shole usin a drilling machine at dis hour:
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Real fact:D longest 5 mins in d world is d last 5 min of a LECTURE.While d shortest 5 mins in d world is d last 5 min of a EXAM.
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Height of grammar misuse:Students seeing a monkey outside the window.Teacher: Why r u seeing d monkey outside when i'm in d class.
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YaeBeeSeeDeeEeeYefJeeHechAiJaeKaeyelYemYenOhPeeKueAarYesTeeYouVeeDoubleyouYexWhyZee
How s this..? I'll remix too...
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Teacher was teaching Mahabharat 2 Class 6th studs"Kamsa heard devaki's 8th son wud kill him. So he put devaki & vasudev in prison. 1st child born. Kamsa kills it by poison. He kills the 2nd child by sword. 3rd is born...."At dis point a boy raises his hand for doubt. Teacher is surprised & asks wat ?. The boy said " If kamsa knew tat d 8th son wud kill him, then y did he put devaki & vasudev in same cell ? "Teacher faints !generation gap !!!
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Wher r u ?Wat is ur blood group ?SMS urgently.There's an accident & blood needed.Don't be late, if you waste time then...


A MONKEY will die :-)
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Newton's last law:Gravity is not responsible for people falling in love :-)
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WARNING:
Don't eat pizzas, pani poori, veg biriyani, fried rice, ice creams, chocalate n fruit juice



WITHOUT ME..ok...
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Excessive drinks, sexy babe, cigarettes are man's worst enemies..
But remember..
A man who runs away from his enemies is a coward..
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Life of a college student:
Wallet hai, paise nai, lecture hai, attendance nai, mobile hai, balance nai, frnds hai,GF nai, exam hai tension nai.
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Hero: GANGULYHeroine: Deepika padukoneDirector: Farah khanName of the movie : __________? GUESS


" NO RUN"---------------------------------------------------------------------
Mother to child after his 1st day at school:"Well, wat did u learn today..?"Child: " Not enough. They want me to come back tomoro..!!! "
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Y r married women heavier than singles..?
SIngle women come 2 home, c wats in d fridge & go 2 bed.
Married come home, c wats in bed & go 2 fridge.
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B4 marriage:Roses r red,Sky is blue,Oh.. my darling I luv u..
After marriage:Roses r dead,I hav flu,Don't come near me...
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Sternoid,pharmocglolarginggivia, globardentin..These diseases arise wen teeth is broken...So,keep msging me...
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R u Subash's friend ?I'm msging from his mobile..Pls tell him 2 come n take his mobile.He has forgotten it in my conference room -BILL GATES
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Find d most suitable place 4 this sentence:
"Come like horse.. Sit like thief.. Go like king.."
Don't know.. !!!

Its TOILET !!!
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Man: How can i live long life ?Dr: Get married..Man: Will it help..?Dr: No, but u will never think of living a long life again.
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Money can buy bedbut not sleep
moneycan buy housebut not rest
money can buy bookbut not knowledge
so transfer all ur money2 my account & b happy.
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Theorem:With Chicken Biriyani we get egg. But with EggBiriyani we don't get chicken. So we conclude tat, We got egg only thru hen.cool..
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Comparison od a CHOCALATE n a KISS:1- Both r SWEET at any time,2- Melt slowly3- Sharing is IMPOSSIBLE4- More enjoyable wen NO ONE is WATCHIN
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I LOVE U
Send this msg 2 10 girls n win a free trip 2 ur nearest police station in lixury jeep. Chicken biriyani and body massage free.
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After robbing d bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing ..?Clerk: YesRobber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u ?2nd clerk: No, but my wife saw u !!
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Sweetest kiss on d 4head !Loveliest kiss on cheeks !Most romantic kiss on d lips &the hottest kiss ??

On ur vehicle's silencer..try it..
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I want u 2 be with me in a nice restaurant 2 hav candle light dinner & to say those three sweet words 2 u

Pay the Bill !!!
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Husband: Do u hav book called " Man, the master of women ?"Sales girl: The fiction department is on d other side, sir.
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Boy- Frm d day i'm ur frnd,i'm not able to eat, drink or smoke.Gal- How sweet, so u r madly in LOVE with me !Boy- SHUT UP, U made my pocket empty.
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Your sms is my gulab jamun..Your missed call is my mysorepak...Your call is my jelebi..So,daily " KEEP MY SWEETBOX FULL"Don't giv Halwa..
---------------------------------------------------------------------Wat's btween India,Pakistan...?



Don't know..


Comma..See once again..ha...ha...ha...
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Easiest way 2 die:1. hav a cigar daily- u'll die 10 years daily2. hav drinks daily- u'll die 30 years early.3. Love sum1 truly- u'll die daily..
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I LOVE UDo u luv me..?Shah jahan told these words more than 1000 times to Mumtaj.But she didn't reply..u know y?
Coz she didn't know English
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In my life i learned
2 luv
2 smile
2 b happy
2 b strong
2 work hard
but i couldn't learn how 2 livewitout disturbin u !!!
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A man bought his wife a diamond ring.A frnd said, I thought she wanted a BMW.Right, but where in d world was I going to find a fake BMQ.
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A frnd is sum1 who sees the first tear, catches d second one & stops d third.and if the 4th one still comes- slaps u & says USE UR HANDKERCHIEF.
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Why Newton was shocked when he saw a beautiful girl named ?
He found sumthing in his pant going up against his own 'Law of gravity'.
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Apple: Cryingbanana: Y r u crying ?Apple: Everybody cut and eating mebanana: u r better than me bcoz all of them remove my dress and eating me. I feel puppt shame.
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Math teacher asked raju if u hav 12 chocalates and u give 5 to priya, 3 to Pinky & 4 to Sapna wht will u hav ?
He replied- sir, 3 new galfrnds.
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Teacher: Dear students tell ur name & hobbies !Boyz starts: I'm siva.. My hobby is sleeping on sofa. I'm sameem, My hobby is sleeping on sofa I'm arun. My hobby is sleeping on sofateacher: i wonder u all hav same hobbies, next girlsGirlz starts: Hi.. my name is SOFA
? ????
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World's shortest" He tried She smiled baby cried...!!!"
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I lost my Rs.100..










Hmmm... search...search.. If u find it 50-50..
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B4 u speak- listen
B4 u criticise- wait
B4 u pray- forgive
B4 u quit- try
B4 u hate- love
B4 u die- Transfer ur money to my bank account.
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Its interesting & true.
+Career is light.
+Girls r like shadow !
+If u try 2 catch d shadow. U'll miss d light.
+if u ignore them n walk towards d light.d shadow follows...
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My dad askd me 2 show sumthing gud
I shown GOLD
He askd 4 better
i shown d DIAMOND
Now he wants d best
Wher r u ?
Cum & show ME 2 him
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Student attended bio practical exam.Examiner: Tell d bird name by seeing leg.Student: Don't know..Examiner: U fail.. Wat is ur name ?Student: See my leg and tell my name !!!
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American: New born child has no hand, we fitted artificial, now he's boxing champion.indian: Child born with no head, we fitted empty coconut, now it is reading sms.
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Wen u come near mirror, mirror says, " beautiful, beautiful "But when u go far away, mirror says, " april fool, april fool "
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Wat did d terrorist son tell his dad, when he failed in his exam ....?
" Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but, i never told them anything "
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Cute lines:

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
very cute.. isn't it ?
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A doctor and nurse waiting for a mental for operation.But the operation was cancelled.
Why.?
Bcoz the mental is very busy in reading this sms..
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" Al hulam lula hab habi lulam bin musal bakrit al habiballul muquamil" U've just received an arabic prayer to lose ur hair & teeth in 5 days..Ha.. ha...ha..
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A naughty proverb:
A beautiful dress is of no use until it inspires sum1 to take it off
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Who's great ?
Its u
Who's smart ?
Its u
Who's sweet ?
Its u
Who's clever ?
Its u
Who's joking ?
Of course, its me...!!!
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If nobody wants u,nobody cares 4 u,nobody likes u, nobody minds u,nobody makes u happy..Don't feel..

I'll change my name as Nobody.
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Its a scary story.. read it if u hav guts..
Once an old man was standing in heavy rain wit a book i his hand. A man came 2 him & askd 4 d book. Aftr a great bargain he sold d book 4 Rs.3000 n said DONT OPEN D LAST PAGE OF THE BOOK else u'll face prob. Man finishes reading d whole book wit gr8 fear xceptd last page. But witout tolerating his curiosity he opend d last page.There was a gr8 shock 4 him.
Book price : Rs.30/-
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- Vivekanandha-Vijay mallya.
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Read slowly:U r que tea, lov lee, gray ate, on nest, at track thief, cheer foul, soup pub & u r 1 of my yest friend.
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A girl in a shop:How much the dress costs ?
Shopkeeper: Just 5 kisses..
Girl: ok,pack the dress.My grandma will pay the billShopkeeper: ?
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Don't keep me in ur heart..


keep me in ur brain..
The bigger empty space gives much comfort, peace & happiness !!
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TTR fined ticketless gilrs:
Chudi girls fined Rs.100
Midi girls fined Rs.50
halfskirt girl was fined Rs.25
Next girl was fined Rs.0
Why ?

She had ticket..!!!
DIRTY PEOPLE ALWAYS THINK DIRTY.
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Dad: if u pass in d exam i will present u 1 cycle.Son: if i fail ?dad: I will present 10 cycles Son: Why ?dad: to open cycleshop..
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Hi, if u r free can u call me & talk wit me now ?A big misunderstanding here..my dad and mom wants 2 talk 2 u..They r not believing me wen i said MONKEYS can talk..He..he...he...
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u r equal to sixty james bondspress down
60 x 007 = 420
Fraud..!!!
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A man was sleeping in his home. SUddenly yama Dharmaraja appared & said " Go out and enjoy nothing will happen 2u 4 d next 10 yrs". He did so & met wit an accident & died. In heaven, he asked Yama," Why did u lie 2 me..?". Yama replied, "SORRY MACHI,MONTH END PRESSURE, HAD TO ACHIEVE TARGET.."
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Raj: Meet my wife Tina
Ajay: Oh ! I know her.
Raj: How ?
Ajay: We were caught sleeping 2gether.
raj: Wat d hell u're sayin..?
Ajay: 10 years ago in d history class..
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Nature of relationship:She passed but still she alive in my mind-husbandHe passed n didn't keep anything 4 me- wife
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Boy: i sent love letters to my girlfriend everyday for 3 years.Friend: Then.. wat happened ?Boy: Nothing, she married d postman.
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